Cumulatively Uncomfortable Conversations
by MichiRini
Summary: The Midnighters have made a pathetic attempt to get past airport security, but now they must face the long arm of the law. Rated for mild language. Oneshot. Done in an interview style, as heard by one poor, innocent tape recorder....


_Whew!! Ten whole pages!! Wow. OK this started out as just something fun and short to do, but now it's taken me over a week to complete and even though it's been a pain in the ass, I'm so proud of it!! Unfortunately, in order for it to work, it needed to be just a little bit AU: Rex and Dess had to be present at the airport because otherwise it would only have been Melissa and Jonathan, who probably would have been able to get through security just fine. Therefore, that part has been changed. Maddie is not mentioned AT ALL, so don't ask me what happened to her because for all I care she could have just died. She's not important to this fic, so she's not mentioned. _

_Unfortunately, I am not Scott Westerfeld. If I was, then I would be proud to claim the Midnighters Trilogy as my own, but as things are... no. Scottie deserves those cookies. So Mr. Westerfeld, if I ever get the nerve up to email you again after you teased me for my imaginary husband the last time, please do not sue me!!!! (lol I really didn't mind the teasing, though, I was just excited that one of my favorite authors had written back to me!!!!!! YAY!)_

_Muchas gracias to ZephyrRose or RoseZephyr or whatever her name is (it's one of those two, I think... idk, she might have changed it since I last emailed her five minutes ago, but she's the other half of the user Konanae) for beta-ing this for me!! I know it still annoys you that Dess and Rex are in this story, but oh well!!!! Hopefully your annoyance will not keep you from beta-ing future stories of mine!!_

_And now, after a lengthy author's note, I am proud to present:_

* * *

**CUMULATIVELY UNCOMFORTABLE CONVERSATIONS**

**PART ONE**

VOICE #1: Please state your name.

VOICE #2: _Pause._ Rex Greene.

VOICE #1: Mr. Greene, do you know why you're here?

VOICE #2: _Pause._ Yes.

VOICE #1: I'm sorry, Mr. Greene, but I'm going to have to ask you to be a little more specific.

VOICE #2: _Unintelligible murmurings._ …the x-ray.

VOICE #1: Could you please speak a little louder, Mr. Greene? If I can't hear you, I doubt the tape recorder could, either.

VOICE #2: I started to… _Unintelligible murmurings._

VOICE #1: Sir, I can't—

VOICE #2: _Yelling_. I freaked out! I lost control, and I couldn't do it. Okay? Your stupid, shiny, new human technology beat me!

VOICE #1: Mr. Greene, please sit down—

VOICE #2: And have you bring another one of those… machines… in here to look inside of me? No!

VOICE #1: Mr. Greene, it's not an x-ray, it's a—

VOICE #2: I know that! You want to look inside of me, to make sure I'm not hiding anything, but what you don't know is that I can't hide anything! Nothing! No metal, no steel, no fire, not even tri… not even words! Yet I'm probably the most dangerous thing you could ever let on your airplane! All those prey, packed so nicely into one tight little container… one enormous flying, electrical feat of human engineering for hours and hours on end!

_Banging._

OUTSIDE: _Distant._ Rex!

VOICE #2: Melissa!

VOICE #1: Mr. Greene, I'm going to need you to focus on what's going on right now inside this room. You were brought here because, like you said, you exhibited some strange behavior at the metal detector, and then refused to allow yourself to be screened for potential weapons. Especially after the events of 9/11, I'm sure you can understand why we have reason to be suspicious of you—

OUTSIDE: Rex! Calm your ass down!

VOICE #1: —but now that we understand the situation, I have some friends who have plenty of experience with cases like this, and I think—

VOICE #2: What do you mean, "cases like these"?

VOICE #1: Well, Mr. Greene, I know it must be very difficult—and it probably feels embarrassing, even though it's nothing to be embarrassed about because it wasn't your fault—for a man to be in your situation—

VOICE #2: Martinez, I'm gonna kill you!

-------------------------------

**PART TWO**

VOICE #1: …the record, please state your name.

VOICE #3: Dess will do.

VOICE #1: _Pause._ I'm sorry, Ms. Dess, but I'm afraid I'm going to need—

VOICE #3: Am I under arrest?

VOICE #1: No, but we have—

VOICE #3: Call me Dess, unless you're planning on charging me with something. What's your name, for the record?

VOICE #1: We're not here to discuss me, Dess. We're here to talk about—

VOICE #3: Well that's impolite: How can you ask for my name and then refuse to give yours? Is this how—?

VOICE #1: Colonel Alex Birger.

VOICE #3: _Pause._ Hmm… I wouldn't have figured you for an Alex… Maybe an Astrid, but not an Alex…

VOICE #1: Do you know why you're here?

VOICE #3: Yes: you took my toys away and I want them back.

VOICE #1: By "toys", do you mean these items here?

_Sounds of rattling._

VOICE #3: _Laughs._ No, silly, that's just a bag of nuts and bolts.

VOICE #1: You deny that these items belong to you?

VOICE #3: What do you think?

VOICE #1: I think that, given that this bag was taken from you at the metal detectors earlier this morning, both the bag and its contents belong to you.

VOICE #3: Interesting… And the fact that my name is Sharpie'd in big block letters on the side means absolutely nothing?

VOICE #1: So the bag and the nuts and bolts inside do belong to you?

VOICE #3: Obviously. But where are my toys?

VOICE #1: The rest of your weapons are being confiscated for now.

VOICE #3: What?! Can't I at least have one?!

VOICE #1: You're not supposed to have any!

VOICE #3: Please? Can I at least have Painstakingly Unconquerable Hieroglyphics back? I worked so hard on that one…

VOICE #1: You name your weapons? Is that some sort of compulsion you have when you make these things?

VOICE #3: _Pause_. Sure, let's go with that for now.

VOICE #1: And the weapons?

VOICE #3: What about them?

VOICE #1: Do you create them to fulfill some sort of paranoid compulsion?

VOICE #3: I don't think so, but the voices tell me yes.

VOICE #1: _Pause._ Ms. Dess, I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation.

VOICE #3: I understand it well enough to exercise my rights. I'm taking the fifth; turn the tape recorder off.

-------------------------------

**PART THREE**

VOICE #1: Alright, sir, please state your—

VOICE #4: Jonathan Martinez, age 17, height 5'10'', Hispanic ethnicity, blood type AB negat—

VOICE #1: Mr. Martinez, you're not under arrest; all I wanted to know was your name.

_Pause._

VOICE #4: So… just to clarify: I'm not going to spend the night in jail?

VOICE #1: Not unless you give me a reason to put you there. For now I just want to talk.

VOICE #4: I'm here because I tackled Rex when he tried to run away from the metal detectors, which is assault and battery of a fellow citizen.

VOICE #1: Awfully quick to the punch, aren't we, Mr. Martinez?

VOICE #4: _Pause._ Let's just say that we have some experience with the police.

VOICE #1: So this isn't the first time you've been interrogated?

VOICE #4: No.

VOICE #1: So you have a history of violence?

VOICE #4: No! I just have trouble getting home in time for curfew.

VOICE #1: Drugs? Alcohol? Girls?

VOICE #4: None of the above.

VOICE #1: What do you do that keeps you out so late, then, Mr. Martinez?

VOICE #4: _Pause._ I just really like going out at night.

VOICE #1: And what do you do while you're out?

VOICE #4: I don't know… I mostly just bounce around from place to place with a couple of friends.

VOICE #1: Friends like Rex?

VOICE #4: Not Rex himself, if I can avoid it, but yeah.

VOICE #1: Is there some sort of conflict between you and Rex?

VOICE #4: Not really. I just get tired of being used for my… talents.

VOICE #1: I see…

VOICE #4: No! No, you don't! No! I'm not like that, no; I'm definitely straight. I even have a girlfriend!

VOICE #1: Don't you mean "had"?

_Pause_.

VOICE #4: No… "have".

VOICE #1: Mr. Martinez, your girlfriend is Ms. Jessica Day, correct?

VOICE #4: How do you know that?

VOICE #1: Surely you didn't think we wouldn't pull up your file, Mr. Martinez? It says here that just last month, Ms. Day went missing, and you were the only suspect until finally Ms. Day's sister, Bethany Day, alibied you only a week into the investigation. Jessica Day has been missing for thirty-nine days, Mr. Martinez, and every rookie cop knows that any missing person will most likely be dead if they are not found within the first forty-eight hours of their disappearance.

_Pause._

VOICE #4: Jess might be dead to you, but to me… I know she's still alive.

VOICE #1: Why? Do you have any information that you haven't given to the police?

VOICE #4: I'm going to take the fifth on that one, officer.

VOICE #1: That's fine. You have that right. I just hope you know that exercising it makes you seem guilty of something.

VOICE #4: Would you rather I lie to seem innocent?

VOICE #1: Or you could just tell the truth.

VOICE #4: About what?

VOICE #1: About what happened to Ms. Day.

VOICE #4: You know the truth: she disappeared.

VOICE #1: How did she disappear?

_Pause._

VOICE #4: The same way she always does.

VOICE #1: Jessica's parents said she had never run away from home before, and that it would have been unlike her to do so at the time of her disappearance.

VOICE #4: And what did her sister tell you?

VOICE #1: She confirmed it; said that the only disappearing Jessica did was at midnight—

VOICE #4: _Panicked._ What?

VOICE #1: —when she would sneak out to be with you.

_Pause._

VOICE #4: Oh. But… she alibied me! Why do you still think I did something?

VOICE #1: We just think it's a bit odd that Jessica Day's only known acts of delinquency have been in your presence or instigated by you, and right now you are the only lead on this case.

VOICE #4: But you're airport police! The Oklahoma Bureau of Investigation is covering this case, not Bixby Airport Security!

VOICE #1: You do know your police policies, don't you?

VOICE #4: Shut up. Turn the tape recorder off.

-------------------------------

**PART FOUR**

VOICE #1: I'm told that you have agreed to talk to me again?

VOICE #3: Yeah. After almost an hour of trying to calm Rex down—thanks for getting him so riled up, by the way—I decided that I really wanted my toys back.

VOICE #1: I'm sorry, Ms. Dess, but they've been confiscated for security reasons.

VOICE #3: And I'm going to need them back for security reasons.

VOICE #1: I assure you, Ms. Dess, our first priority is the safety of our passengers.

VOICE #3: What time is it, Al?

_Pause. _

VOICE #1: Why?

VOICE #3: Because you've been using basic psychology and criminology by depriving me and my friends of timepieces and windows to disorient us, and I would like to know what time it is.

_Pause. _

VOICE #1: It's… just turned eleven-oh-four PM.

VOICE #3: In that case, you have fifty-five minutes and forty-nine seconds to give me my toys back, or this building is going to explode.

_Pause._

VOICE #3: Or it might just be really badly damaged.

_Pause. _

VOICE #3: Actually, there might not even be any damage, but it's good to play it safe and plan for the worst.

_Pause. _

VOICE #1: I'm sorry… Did you just make a bomb threat?

VOICE #3: Where did you get that idea? I'm just trying to warn you that unless I get my toys back, this building is probably going to be damaged or destroyed and people are going to get hurt!

VOICE #1: That's all well and good, Ms. Dess, but I'm trying to determine… are you threatening the safety of the airport, or if you're warning that someone else will.

_Pause._

VOICE #3: Someone else will.

VOICE #1: And they're going to do it right at midnight?

VOICE #3: Exactly at midnight.

VOICE #1: Do you know who is going to do this? Is it one of your friends?

VOICE #3: Are you kidding? Unless you're allergic to clean steel or are a true pansy, Jonathan can't even touch you; Melissa's not a threat as long as she doesn't touch you; Rex is only dangerous when he can't control the urge to hunt or when you get him too close to your iPod; and Jessica Day's been "gone" for a good while.

_Pause._

VOICE #1: Well then do you know who is going to do this?

VOICE #3: No… not "who"…

VOICE #1: What is going to attack us, then?

VOICE #3: Well, they're not coming after you and the rest of the airport; they'll be coming after me and my friends. Your airport just happens to be in the way.

_Pause._

VOICE #1: So some things are chasing after you, and you come to one of the most populated buildings in all of Bixby?

VOICE #3: _Sigh._ See, that's why I told Rex he was crazy: I knew we would never make it through airport security, so I said we should take a flight set to leave in the early morning so you guys could do your little investigation and let us go with plenty of time to get out of Bixby. But no, no one ever listens to me, even though I'm the one who does all the math! Everyone else said two AM was too early and complained that they wouldn't get their precious sleep, so Rex booked the flight for 11:30 and now we're going to be stuck here at midnight. And the only things that could possibly do any serious damage against them is being confiscated indefinitely, which is why I need my toys back!

_Pause._

INTEROGATOR: Ms. Dess, if I brought my psychologist friend in here, would you agree to talk to her?

_Long Pause._

VOICE #1: I see. Then I guess our time here is done.

-------------------------------

**PART FIVE**

VOICE #1: For the record, please state your name.

_Long Pause._

VOICE #1: Please, ma'am. I appreciate your willingness to cooperate without a lawyer or a parent present, but you must remember that you are under arrest for some very serious charges.

_Long Pause._

VOICE #1: Your friend Rex called out the name Melissa when you were attempting to break your way into our interrogation. Is it safe to assume that Melissa is your name?

_Long Pause._

VOICE #1: Melissa, you do have the right to silence; however, for you to hide behind that right makes you appear very guilty.

_Long Pause._

VOICE #1: I don't want to put you away, Melissa, but I will if you force me to. This is a very serious felony we're talking about here.

_Long Pause._

VOICE #1: You know, Melissa, I think you're innocent. No, I really do! And do you know why? Because most sexual molesters are—

VOICE #5: Stop lying through your teeth; your false happiness tastes like burnt popcorn.

_Pause._

VOICE #1: I'm sorry… Tastes?

_Long Pause._

VOICE #1: Please, Melissa; I'm sincerely interested in your statement on taste.

VOICE #5: And I'm interested in what I'm being charged with. Is it safe to assume I'm being charged with sexual molestation?

VOICE #1: Wow, a mindreader.

VOICE #5: _Scoff._ Great, another brilliant daylighter who thinks the mind is like some sort of foreign language dictionary.

_Pause._

VOICE #1: What is it like, then?

VOICE #5: "Tastes like burnt popcorn"… Doesn't that phrase tell you anything?

VOICE #1: Should it?

_Long Pause. _

VOICE #1: Come on, Melissa, we're not back to this game again, are we?

_Long Pause._

VOICE #1: The Oklahoma Bureau of Investigation is on its way, Melissa. You're going to have to talk to them if you want any chance of beating a molestation charge.

VOICE #5: I find that hard to believe, considering your outrageous lack of evidence.

VOICE #1: Melissa, you shouted "Rex, don't make me touch you!" in the middle of a crowded airport.

VOICE #5: Go back to false happiness; I'll take burnt popcorn over lukewarm vinegar any day.

_Long Pause._

VOICE #1: _Cough._

_Long Pause._

VOICE #5: You have some very nice fingernails, Colonel Birger; they look very strong and healthy. Mind if I take a look?

_Long Pause._

VOICE #1: I don't think I… told you my name and rank…

VOICE #5: Al, if you room a bunch of friends together so you can interview each individual in your only interrogation room, those friends are going to talk to each other.

VOICE #1: Ah.

VOICE #5: Jonathan sends his regards, by the way. And Rex says if you come near him again, he'll rip your blonde head off and feed on your delicious human brains, and then give the skull to his father to use as a new spider tank.

VOICE #1: How long have you been friends with—?

VOICE #5: Dess also demands that her "toys" be returned to her before midnight, but I'm afraid that's not going to happen, is it?

VOICE #1: Do you have any information on the whereabouts of the missing—?

VOICE #5: Do you have any messages to send back, Colonel Birger?

_Long Pause._

VOICE #1: Maybe I should take this opportunity to remind you of your Miranda Rights: you have the right to remain silent; anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an—

_Pause._

VOICE #1: I a-apologize, ma'am… my mind just seemed to have frozen for a moment… Anyway, I'm going to have to ask you to state your name, for the record.

VOICE #5: _Sigh._ Why on Earth do idiots like him still use tape recorders, anyway? Stiffs like him give me such a headache…

VOICE #6: You wiped his memories clean, right? So he won't remember anything about your interviews?

VOICE #5: Not exactly. Will you put that thing down? I've had enough of tape recorders. Our friend Al over here will remember interviewing everyone, but he'll only be able to recall the hazy bits I've left behind—just enough for him to think we're all mental so if they decide to pursue us, we can plead a good insanity defense.

VOICE #6: So then I'm going to keep the tape here in the blue time, right?

VOICE #5: Jessica, we went over this last night when we dropped you off here, and to you that was less than an hour ago. Don't you dare tell me you've forgotten the plan already.

VOICE #3: Maybe she hasn't forgotten. Maybe you "accidentally" touched her and messed with her mind.

VOICE #5: Hey, Dess, I have a brilliant idea: how about you forgive me for hacking into your brain already, and I'll forgive you and everyone else for being late.

VOICE #2: Hey, I think I did pretty well breaking out of that room. You think you could do any better?

VOICE #5: I know I could do it without losing my temper with stupid human locks and kicking the door down. Jess, pull your lips off of Jonathan's for one second and turn that damn tape recorder off so we can go sneak on that plane before midnight ends and our whole plan is ruined!

VOICE #3: I still say we should have just gotten an early morning flight…

VOICE #4: But then Jessica would have been left behind in Bixby while we go off to travel the world!

VOICE #3: Cool it, Flyboy, I was only joking; do you really think I would ever leave the Flame-Bringer out of the equation?

VOICE #2: _Hiss._

VOICE #3: Oh, come on, Rex: I didn't even use math there! What do you want me to do: cut my entire vocabulary in half so your precious darkling side doesn't go homicidal?

VOICE#5: Will everyone stop thinking already? Rex, stop looking at Dess like she's a soufflé; Dess, try to keep the math references to a minimum; quit the pity party, Jonathan, because I have a lot more control over my mindcasting now than I used to; Jessica, we all know that Jonathan is a sexy Latino boy, so will you please stop worshipping his muscles and turn that tape recorder off so we can go? We still need to get Dess's weapons out of room D231 before we can go get on that flight, and we've already been standing here for about ten of our sixty minutes! Jessica, that had better be a damn good question, because I'm not answering it unless you promise to turn that tape recorder off!

VOICE #6: Sorry! But… how do you know where the weapons are…?

VOICE #5: Go back—later!—and listen to Dess's interviews: she kept bugging Al for her toys, which made him think about where they are.

VOICE #6: Oh.

VOICE #5: Now will you please turn that thing off so we can go?

VOICE #3: Better do as the Bitch Goddess commands, Jess.

VOICE #6: _Scoff. _Yes, ma'am…


End file.
